I guess Mr Mayer was right

Things aren't going so well. I think I've hit that quarter life crisis.

Events have transpired recently that has forced me to re-evaluate the twenty-five years I've lived on this planet and I've come to the conclusion that the person I have been might not truly be me, but merely a shell, a vessel carrying other peoples' hopes and dreams and their values.

In exchange for this fare they protected me from the winds and storms of the world and I have been sailing in smooth waters - riding the current of rivers draining to who knows where without any engine of my own.

As a consequence, if I may continue with the nautical analogy, instead of being bouyancy to those around me I become an anchor, desperately latching onto anything with a vague sense of direction.

***

Some of you reading this might understand that this has been prompted by girl problems, which is true. Some of you might think that I'm being melodramatic, which may be true (we aim to entertain here), but there's still truth in this.

***

So I'm thinking.

I'm thinking that it's difficult to change twenty five years of ingrained positively-reinforced behaviours, but it'll be necessary.

I'm thinking that it's difficult to imagine being really, truly responsible for my own life for the first time, but it'll be necessary.

I'm thinking that it might be difficult, but I might have to reconsider being a doctor, at least for the moment.

I'm thinking that it might be difficult to relax and let some mistakes happen, but it'll be necessary.

I'm thinking that I hope I don't make too many choices that will disappoint people, but it might have to happen.

***

Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted.